Life's little hurdles ...

So now I have 'ousted' Henri and I and our journey is public here comes the first instalment!!
After over a year with the fertility clinic; my first operation date has come through. There are two important reasons for having this operation done; it could improve our chances to naturally conceive and second it will eliminate our monthly pain. Yes 'our'. It's so painful that I can end up literally screaming and writhing around in bed for hours, for some reason it only arrives in the middle of the night and stays for 2 whole days and 2 whole nights - Henri ends up resembling a zombie over that 'period'! He's such a great husband as in the dead of the night he's making tea, administering pain killers and making hot water bottles (a killer in this British summer!) Not to mention Digby getting himself all anxious and trying to climb on the bed to lick my face, as if this would make it all better!! This weekend that time had come around again and we had new neighbours move in on Saturday - God only knows what they thought was going on!
So, in two weeks this Wednesday, I will be going into hospital for day surgery. No matter how hard I've tried to get out of this operation and no amount of protests have been met with sympathy from our specialist or my husband. I need it done. I am absolutely petrified. This fear comes from never having been through an operation and childhood memories of my little sister going in for operations and her heart stopping beating from allergic reactions to the anaesthetic. What if mine stops beating? What if they can't start it again? What if something goes wrong? Now those are the more serious questions I have. My other rather odd worry is that I am not sure I can handle the fact that lots of people I don't know will be all staring at me. I mean what do I look like asleep? When I got married my main concern was people staring at me as I walked down the aisle ...... honestly, as if the woman in the white dress isn't going to get stared at?! I went to great lengths to try to hide even just a little bit like sending my paige boys down the aisle first (for the awww factor) followed by my sister and I asked my father to walk as quickly as humanly possible to get to the front! I guess I am uncomfortable with being centre of attention despite my loud exterior! As hilarious as many find this 'worry', it is a real worry for me. Will I snore? Gah.... the embarrassment. Henri says this is the control freak in me. Control freak honestly (secretly I know he is absolutely right - what I can't control gives me the hibbie jibbies!)
Let's face it, I go in pain free and come out full of pain. What's not to concern me? And don't get me even started on the having to take seven days off to recover....apparently am not allowed to operate machinery for seven days either and that includes the cooker! A wife's dream? Not mine, Henri in the kitchen??? Next you'll be telling me he can drive a car too! And my running, that will suffer.....I can see I am going to be a joy to live with over the next few weeks!
All this and yet there is the voice inside me that's calm - it's a small voice, one that I can barely hear - this voice tells me that if this is what I have to do to get to a maybe, to just increase that 1% chance that we could have a family then really, that's ok with me.