Fears, plural it should be in my case.
As I become older and wiser, I become more irrational. This sentence doesn't even make sense but somehow it's exactly what I mean! I know what is safe and even how it is put together to become safe, I understand it. I am wise, well generally. I know a lot of 'stuff' by the very nature of my age let alone my acute appetite for knowledge and information.
The Wiki definition of fear is: "Fear is a distressing negative emotion induced by a perceived threat. It is a basic survival mechanism occurring in response to a specific stimulus, such as pain or the threat of danger. In short, fear is the ability to recognise danger and flee from it or confront it, also known as the Fight or Flight response."
This last weekend I encountered planned fear - frankly the worst kind. Anticipated fear. I stared it in the face and it looked back with it's evil eyes and winked at me indicating it's enjoyment at my displeasure! Coming eye to eye with fear is like being gripped in the devil's belly unable to shake its painful grip. You want to free yourself but it literally feels like the world is caving in (which by the way looks like normal life but quite blurry around the edges!) You are literally putting yourself through a wringing machine hoping you will come out the other side. In one piece I might add. People that have certain fear of certain things should not be sneered at; what is a breeze for some is a nightmare for others.
My fear this weekend was being 18 metres up in the treetops with girls I didn't know well (unless you count the ten minute hello at the start). No way down except to complete this craziness... or in most peoples case a child’s playground in the sky! Getting up the rope ladder was hard enough shaking like a leaf caught in a storm, then across the planks to the next big tree trunk; around the trunk and there it was; actual fear staring me in the face. Outwardly I would say I looked pretty ill; a trembling, tearful shadow of my former self with the pallor of an unwell ghost. My stature was to stand stock still in case I vomited or of course fell to my death. I looked to the girl next to me and whispered (as if fear would hear and poke more fun at me) "I think I might cry, I can't do this". What I couldn't do was harness myself to the zip line and throw myself across the huge 4 metre wide gap to the rope wall opposite.... remember 18 metres up! I did start to repeat with no control in my wobbly voice "I REALLY can't do this" several times over and over! The girl next to me smiled, said I could and that she really understood my fear but that I could do it, remember she said fear is irrational - she also pointed out there was NO other way down. NO other way down. Like, NO other way down. Really? Why was this not made clear to me at the start....? After what felt like an hour in time, the realisation hit me between my eyes that I had NO choice. Slowly and shaking uncontrollably I started to move my sweaty hands down the trunk to sit in my harness ready to launch my limp body across the abyss - I closed my eyes, drew in a long deep breath and slowly inched my feet of the platform at which point speed took over and before I knew it I had hit the rope wall and was grabbing it for dear life hearing the last scream leave my throat .... absolutely terrifying. Ahead of me was a whole two hours of similar challenges. I did it. I actually did it. Don't even get me started on the long zip wires down either...height and speed …..
Facing fear does not necessarily mean conquering it; in my case definitely not but it does command a kind of respect from your peers as they witness you grapple with it and then actually move past it. The kindness of strangers in a situation like is remarkable - I say strangers but locked in my battle they became my friends. A mutual respect was formed. Apply this to any part of your life and I am sure this is how you could become a respected leader. It means not being afraid to at least have a go and even ask for help with it proving that fear brings a modicum of courage to your life if the soul is willing.
I am so proud of myself. I can hold my head up high and say "I faced one of my biggest fears, I am still fearful but I gave it a go .... and I am quite sure I will NEVER face it in that way ever again!"
The moral to this tale is; have a go, by having a go you cannot fail even if you do not quite triumph over the fear.
As I become older and wiser, I become more irrational. This sentence doesn't even make sense but somehow it's exactly what I mean! I know what is safe and even how it is put together to become safe, I understand it. I am wise, well generally. I know a lot of 'stuff' by the very nature of my age let alone my acute appetite for knowledge and information.
The Wiki definition of fear is: "Fear is a distressing negative emotion induced by a perceived threat. It is a basic survival mechanism occurring in response to a specific stimulus, such as pain or the threat of danger. In short, fear is the ability to recognise danger and flee from it or confront it, also known as the Fight or Flight response."
This last weekend I encountered planned fear - frankly the worst kind. Anticipated fear. I stared it in the face and it looked back with it's evil eyes and winked at me indicating it's enjoyment at my displeasure! Coming eye to eye with fear is like being gripped in the devil's belly unable to shake its painful grip. You want to free yourself but it literally feels like the world is caving in (which by the way looks like normal life but quite blurry around the edges!) You are literally putting yourself through a wringing machine hoping you will come out the other side. In one piece I might add. People that have certain fear of certain things should not be sneered at; what is a breeze for some is a nightmare for others.
My fear this weekend was being 18 metres up in the treetops with girls I didn't know well (unless you count the ten minute hello at the start). No way down except to complete this craziness... or in most peoples case a child’s playground in the sky! Getting up the rope ladder was hard enough shaking like a leaf caught in a storm, then across the planks to the next big tree trunk; around the trunk and there it was; actual fear staring me in the face. Outwardly I would say I looked pretty ill; a trembling, tearful shadow of my former self with the pallor of an unwell ghost. My stature was to stand stock still in case I vomited or of course fell to my death. I looked to the girl next to me and whispered (as if fear would hear and poke more fun at me) "I think I might cry, I can't do this". What I couldn't do was harness myself to the zip line and throw myself across the huge 4 metre wide gap to the rope wall opposite.... remember 18 metres up! I did start to repeat with no control in my wobbly voice "I REALLY can't do this" several times over and over! The girl next to me smiled, said I could and that she really understood my fear but that I could do it, remember she said fear is irrational - she also pointed out there was NO other way down. NO other way down. Like, NO other way down. Really? Why was this not made clear to me at the start....? After what felt like an hour in time, the realisation hit me between my eyes that I had NO choice. Slowly and shaking uncontrollably I started to move my sweaty hands down the trunk to sit in my harness ready to launch my limp body across the abyss - I closed my eyes, drew in a long deep breath and slowly inched my feet of the platform at which point speed took over and before I knew it I had hit the rope wall and was grabbing it for dear life hearing the last scream leave my throat .... absolutely terrifying. Ahead of me was a whole two hours of similar challenges. I did it. I actually did it. Don't even get me started on the long zip wires down either...height and speed …..
Facing fear does not necessarily mean conquering it; in my case definitely not but it does command a kind of respect from your peers as they witness you grapple with it and then actually move past it. The kindness of strangers in a situation like is remarkable - I say strangers but locked in my battle they became my friends. A mutual respect was formed. Apply this to any part of your life and I am sure this is how you could become a respected leader. It means not being afraid to at least have a go and even ask for help with it proving that fear brings a modicum of courage to your life if the soul is willing.
I am so proud of myself. I can hold my head up high and say "I faced one of my biggest fears, I am still fearful but I gave it a go .... and I am quite sure I will NEVER face it in that way ever again!"
The moral to this tale is; have a go, by having a go you cannot fail even if you do not quite triumph over the fear.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment